‘Love the One You’re With’
By Robert J. Spagnoletti

And if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with
—Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, 1970

Recently I had lunch with a friend who is a District of Columbia lawyer with her own small practice. She told me about her new, 20-something legal assistant who had to be constantly reassured that he is doing an excellent job, even on tasks that are fairly standard and routine. This sparked a conversation about whether this employee’s need for frequent praise was unique to him, or part of a larger shift in attitudes toward employment and work satisfaction.

Throughout the course of our conversation, we recognized that many lawyers and professional staff today seem to have different expectations about work than our parents and grandparents. Our parents stayed with the same job for decades, even if they were unhappy with what they were doing, as long as the job provided good pay, a decent pension, and the possibility of advancement. Our grandparents settled for two out of those three. Many in today’s workforce, however, move from job to job looking for the employment equivalent of a soul mate, and they become frustrated unless they receive constant praise and instantaneous rewards. What happened?

Perhaps the change in attitude can be attributed to the media. Television and movies seem to make it appear that the best relationships—personal and professional—are completely effortless. Rarely do we see on screen the real work necessary to sustain a truly successful relationship or career.

Or perhaps the change in attitude can be blamed on our parents. Overachieving baby boomers—and I count myself among them—were taught that every small achievement was a cause for immediate celebration. And of course, the older we get and the larger the achievement, the greater the reward. So, when those of us who were raised to believe we can be or do anything enter the workforce, our day-to-day professional lives seem anticlimatic. We think it’s unfair. Why is no one knocking on my door to be on Oprah? Don’t they know what I have to offer the world? Can’t they see what I see?

Many of us feel that unless we are completely happy every day with every aspect of our job, and that everyone notices what we do, we somehow are failing in our career—or that our career is failing us. Talk to associates at major law firms and they will tell you how frustrated they are with the large number of billable hours and relative lack of meaningful work. Government or legal services lawyers might be equally unhappy with the crushing volume of work and comparatively low pay.

This is not to say all lawyers are unhappy. Indeed, many lawyers, the young and not-so-young alike, find great joy and satisfaction in their chosen profession. Some of us love working with clients and walking them through a complex legal landscape. Some of us are excited to use the law to help solve problems and create new businesses and opportunities. Some of us find it thrilling to be on our feet in the courtroom. Some of us enjoy using our legal skills to support a company, nonprofit, or trade association. Some of us specialize in particular subjects, while others revel in the opportunity to learn something in every new matter or case. Still, others simply love studying, developing, or teaching the law.

Interestingly, those of us who love our careers are doing the same jobs as those who are feeling unfulfilled. We often have the same onerous and unpleasant responsibilities coupled with the same pressures. Yet, we enjoy what we’re doing. Why?

To be honest, receiving greater recognition or praise from our employers plays a role, and so does the issue of pay. While I believe that those are important components in creating an affirming work environment, the reasons for job satisfaction run much deeper.

I suggest that much of the difference has to do with how we approach our work and what we expect in return. Sound familiar? Every job, like every relationship, offers great opportunities and demands great effort. Lawyers who enjoy their careers can somehow focus on the positive aspects of their jobs—and there are almost always positive aspects. Seasoned litigators can endure all the strife that comes with the practice just for the joy of having several weeks, or even several days, once or twice a year before a jury. Young associates who spend their time on small pieces of very large cases can find enjoyment in writing creative and well-supported memoranda. Other lawyers whose job it is to represent unpopular clients can find satisfaction in their ability to do a great job when no one else would.

In other words, the most successful lawyers are usually those who are able to find some joy in what they do. They are not necessarily smarter or more talented than the rest of us, they have no theme song that plays constantly in their head to keep them sane, and they don’t have a deal with the devil. Their only secret is that they no longer expect to be on Oprah.

So, I offer this practical advice: if you can’t be in the job you love, love the job you’re in.